In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
