Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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