Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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