After last night, I could never be a politician.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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