Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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