i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
