Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she pinky promised me she was 18
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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