I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
