Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
