i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
