If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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