please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize