I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
