Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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