the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
