What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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