I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
