She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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