wakey wakey hands off snakey
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
