so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
