The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
