How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
