Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i've created a new STD.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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