I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
