Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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