...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize