so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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