is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
