Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
