Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
