Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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