She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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