I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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