I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
