She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize