ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
