Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
