i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
