If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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