Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
