so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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