hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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