Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
