tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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