apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
