You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
