She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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