Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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