just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
