Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
