ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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