I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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