Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
