My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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