Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
