you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
