Already got asked if we're dating
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
