I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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