why didn't you poke me back
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
