I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
