My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize