i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize