highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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