i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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