Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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