I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
