next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
