I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
