Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
