is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
