Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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