is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
