Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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