tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize