he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
