Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize