i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize