I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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