i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
