so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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