So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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