Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dont even know how to be here
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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