I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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