is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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