he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize