ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
