He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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