This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
