Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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