I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
