im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
