i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
