she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
