You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
