Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
