good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
