My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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